转学申请 Top30 Personal Statement 干货正式出炉

  转学申请 Top30 Personal Statement 干货正式出炉

为了备战即将到来的 转学申请 关键期(不错,UC系列学校的转学申请11月30日就要截止了!),相信很多西兰花的粉丝们都知道,咱们最近开通了美国转学互助群!从今天起,美国转学要重磅推出:百篇名校Top30 Personal Statement 干货的分享和点评系列文章!由于版权和篇幅限制,我们只把PS原文节选在微信推送文章中定期发布。如果想看完整的文章,想获得更多讨论和点评PS的机会,欢迎大家加入美国转学互助群(添加学术妹微信号may-xia,要求入群即可)~这么好的机会,你怎可错过?!转学申请

被UCLA录取的Personal Statement

转学申请题目:

描述你来自的世界——比如,你的家庭,社区或学校——并告诉我们你的世界如何塑造了你的梦想和渴望。

Prompt:

Describe the world you come from – for example, your family, community or school –and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

personal statement

Personal Statement(节选)

In grade eleven, I was elected to the students’ council. This gave me access to the school’s resources, something that has been yet another factor in deciding the progression of my academic career; the support of other council members. Since we shared interests and were in the good books of our teachers, we seldom hesitated in talking to them (and sometimes, directly to our principal) about something we wanted to do. In hindsight, this was a huge privilege, and was only possible in a relatively small school like mine.

By mid-2012, I became rather good at programming, and felt the school curriculum did not challenge me enough. My friends had similar opinions, so we decided to form an IT club in school, which would train members for inter-school programming events. The ‘Endofline Computer Club’ was officially recognized by the school in July 2012. Subsequently, we started participating in many inter-school programming events. But for me, it wasn’t always about the trophy or cash prize — it was about interacting with fellow programmers and learning from them.

Getting to meet interesting people was a great incentive for participation. The prospect of winning was always pushing me to give my best. There are small schools, small communities, which foster better understanding and interaction between their members, give each member the chance to express their ideas and make it easier to be at the top. Even good enough to be a representative — and there are huge schools — large, rigid communities that have established institutions which admit members based on merit. These institutions are full of highly able individuals that have gone through rigorous selection procedures, and perform consistently well in their respective field. I wonder if I’d have ever found a new club at a huge school. Thankfully, my school lies right at the cusp. It is small enough for a student to receive ample attention, and has a wide-spread network of alumni as well.

Throughout high-school, I’ve had opportunities to network with some of the brightest students of the country and from abroad. Along with the support of family and friends, they always encouraged me to follow my dreams and achieve excellence. And that’s precisely what I want to do; become an excellent aerospace engineer.

小编点评:

这个题目虽然中规中矩,但如果能掌握写好的方法,绝对可以把技巧应用到很多相似题目的撰写上。本文节选了该文的后半部分,大家从中可以看到作者对自己所在学校的丰富资源和聪明的朋辈给他积极的影响。他通过详细的细节,清晰的逻辑阐述,描绘了一个充满热情、尽情把握周围环境有利因素的学生。这是一个非常聪明的做法。在PS中,除了生动和清晰,尽一切可能展现自己的优点,并且是和学习、学校有关的优点,是非常容易打动招生官的做法。如果大家看到本文的前半部分,会更加深刻地感受到作者把自己人生不同阶段归纳、升华的能力。 

本文系美国转学原创。转载请标明出处和微信号(UStransfer)。

 

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集团介绍

美国厚仁教育集团 WholeRen Group, LLC 成立于2010年,旨在提供基于美国的全面教育与发展,为学生制定全方位的留学服务,包括美国初/高中留学申请和转学美国本科/研究生申请和转学学术紧急应对学术辅导美国寄宿家庭服务微留学背景提升职业规划等。厚仁教育曾接受CCTV独家专访,是全美首家获得AIRC权威认证的留学服务机构。

 

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