UC文书你需要知道的6方面

wholerenguru3  (厚仁学术哥)

微信客服
wholerenguru3 (厚仁学术哥)

在前面几个系列的报道里,我已经向各位同学介绍过美国本科转学个人陈述的基本题型,长度,写作内容,字数等信息。不知道各位同学是否还有印象呢?在上一期的文章中,我也和各位同学分析了个人陈述的实际案例,帮助大家来理解一篇好的个人陈述一定需要入手的几个方面。通过实际案例的阅读和分析,让我们先一起回顾一下,一篇好的个人陈述需要从以下几个方面进行入手:

1. 分析自己擅长的方面
2. 了解个人陈述的潜在阅读者
3. 寻找你和申请项目之间的共性
4. 充分利用故事的形式展现你的特长


那么今天就让我们再来一起了解一个特殊的本科转学申请系统——UC系统即University of California本科转学的文书题目还有相应的案例分析。众所周知,UC系统的本科转学,都有一篇必答题的文书,剩下的需要在学校列举的7个题目中,自选3个题目完成。所以,每一个学生一共需要撰写4篇文书。那么在今天这篇文章中,我想和各位同学首先讨论这个必答题目,去分析这些题目咱们应该从哪些方面入手,以及结合真实的学生申请实战案例来进行点评。所以今天的文章主要涵盖了以下几个方面:


1. UC系统简介
2. UC系统本科转学文书题目
3. UC系统本科转学必答题分析

我是来自厚仁教育的资深申请规划顾问Mary老师,目前我已经专注于转学申请领域超过7年之久,帮助了上百名学生申请到了例如纽约大学,波士顿大学,约翰霍普金斯大学,加利福尼亚大学伯克利分校,洛杉矶分校,华盛顿大学等全美排名靠前的学校。今天,我想就通过一些学生的真实写作案例,和各位同学一起来分析他们的优缺点在哪里。


1. UC系统


当很多同学谈论到UC系统的时候,肯定会有这样那样的疑问,比如说:UC系统为什么这么著名?他的申请流程到底有哪些区别?每年的申请到底激烈不激烈呢?


  1. 图片来源:UC系统官网

根据维基百科的注释,加利福尼亚大学简称加州大学,是位于美国加州的由10所大学组成的一个大学行政系统,加州大学是没有总校的,每一个大学都是独立的公立大学。在这十所大学之中,伯克利分校是加州大学最早的分校。加州大学现在已经是公认的世界上最大的大学联邦体,旗下的各个学校在各项学术指标和排名中都名列前茅,每个学校都有自己擅长的领域,这些所谓的分校虽然互相独立,但是也都有紧密的联系,共同组成了享誉全美乃至全世界的加州大学。

2. UC系统本科转学文书题目


UC系统本科转学的文书题目是全部公开在网站上面的,这样可以方便各位同学们提早进行相应的准备和构思,学校的官方网站是:

https://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/how-to-apply/applying-as-a-transfer/personal-insight-questions.html

各位同学不难看出,UC系统本科转学的文书有以下几个要求组成:


1. 有一篇必答题目的文书
2. 在剩下的7篇文章里选择3篇进行撰写
3. 每一篇文章不超过350个单词
4. 你可以根据自己的兴趣进行3个文书题目的选择,没有任何规定,但是建议选择自己感兴趣的方向
5. 所有的文书题目在审核的过程中都是平等对待的,并没有说哪一个题目会更好
6. 对于文书的形式没有任何的形式规定,这些文书的目的是为了了解你这个人,用你独一无二的方式进行展示

那么接下去就让我们首先来进入第一道必答题目的分析和实战案例分析。


3. 必答题


题目要求:Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university.


让我来给各位同学总结一下这个题目中的几个关键题眼

Describe, prepare for intended major, readiness, upper-division courses


首先咱们一起来看一下这个必答题的文书,开篇就要求申请者describe描述。那么何为描述?描述的深层意思就是细节,故事情节,以及具体内容。那么当你在描述一件事情或者是一个东西的时候,除了从颜色外观等客观内容进行切入的同时,一定要记得加上自己的感官也就是感受。所以这个题目首先要求的是我们用具体的事例来进行描述。


那么接下来我们看第二个关键题眼intended major,即想要就读的专业。在这里,我要提醒各位同学,一定要在这篇文书中明确说明自己想要申请的专业。如果有的同学申请了两个跨度较大不同的专业的话,在这篇文书中就不好做体现,因为两者都要涵盖会影响到整体的篇幅。


第三个关键题眼叫readiness,即已经做好的准备工作。那么何为准备工作?这里的准备工作,指的是各位同学为了更好的申请到自己想要在UC就的专业所做出的的课堂内和课堂外的两部分内容。这些准备包括但不局限于:上过的课程,有趣的经历,任何学校俱乐部或者实习的感受等等都可以归类为readiness。


最后一个关键体验叫upper-division courses,即高阶课程。因为咱们做UC系统的转学,转入之后就读的都是大三的课程,也就是需要进入高阶课程的学习。所以咱们同学在选取素材的时候,可以有深入的分析以及和专业课程的关联性。


同样在UC转学的官网上学校也提出了一些建议:

Things to consider: How did your interest in your major develop? Do you have any experience related to your major outside the classroom — such as volunteer work, internships and employment, or participation in student organizations and activities? If you haven’t had experience in the field, consider including experience in the classroom. This may include working with faculty or doing research projects.


总结:需要各位同学展开叙述对于你想要申请的专业是如何一步步产生兴趣的,有没有任何和自己所申请专业相关的经历,可以是支援活动,实习或者工作经历,还有参与学生俱乐部等等。


If you’re applying to multiple campuses with a different major at each campus, think about approaching the topic from a broader perspective, or find a common thread among the majors you’ve chosen.

总结:就像我前面提到的,如果各位同学申请了多个校区以及多个专业的话,就要从一个较为广域的角度进行切入,或者可以在自己所申请的专业里找到一个共同的方向。


4. 案例分析


接下去让我们一起来看几个实际的写作案例,对比一下前后的修改内容,来一起分析一下这篇文章应该如何来进行撰写。


修改前:

The major I’m applying to is XXXXXX. During my first year in college, I was undecided about my major at first and didn’t know what I wanted to do.  Then at a party, I was chatting with one of my seniors, who told me her major was XXXXX. She told me that she was majoring in XXXXXX, which is a very interesting and practical major.  I had an epiphany. It just so happened that my father was a businessman, and he had taught me about business and economics since I was a child. I started to learn about the XXXXXX major, and was gradually attracted to it.  After taking a few more classes, I not only got good grades, but also developed some out-of-the-box thinking and data analysis skills.  I like such an enriching major.  To train myself, I tried to get an internship XXXXXX this summer.  During that time, I not only applied what I learned in the classroom to real life, but also practiced my communication skills with customers and cooperation with colleagues.  I am more certain that this is the kind of job I want and this is the kind of major I want to study.  My past good grades, my internship experience, and the awards I have received for group activities have given me the confidence that I can grow even more in the XXXXXXXX program.

修改后:

Growing up in a family with parents work in business, I always have the feeling not to follow their path. Therefore, I chose XXXXXX at the XXXXXXX. However, gradually I noticed it was not what I expected. As the COVID-19 outbreak, many business fields were affected, however, some survived. This gave me the motivation and interest to learn about XXXXXXX because there was more than I could know.

Immersed in family’s inspiration, I was told that I needed to consider any market trend under economic conditions. Gradually, I grew interest in the stock market. As a result, I chose courses such as microeconomics, macroeconomics, data analysis and business core courses. The XXXXX course left me a deep impression, XXXXXXXX. Making data into numbers and tables lead to in-depth case analysis. Another XXXXX class helped me learn about the field in a broad aspect. 

Outside the classroom, I actively fulfilled internship experience byXXXXXX. “XXXXXXXXXX” Through such experience, I established a strong sense and understanding of both numbers and regulations among the field, which affirmed my goal in learning Economics.

With such a determination in mind, I am clear about what I want to do. Having maintained a satisfying academic performance, enriched myself with internship experience, and received awards-the second place of the madden challenge which is sponsored by XXXXXX, from various activities that cultivate my abilities and confidence in preparing for the XXXXXXX major at UC.


点评: 大家可以看到这位同学的初稿存在这样的几个问题,一个是整体写作的逻辑比较混乱,虽然看似题目中的各个题眼的问题都有涵盖到,但是读下来之后又觉得很像在报流水账。而且各位同学有没有发现,这段写作的初稿里面对于素材的把握还有细节内容的处理不够细致,整篇读下来之后并没有了解到任何关于这个学校的独特背景以及可以体现出这个学生个性的内容。所以在修改稿中,我着重加深了这一部分的描述,通过事例之间的联系,以及对于学生背景的一个串联,用细节打造出这个学生的形象。


让我们再来看一组修改版本。


修改前:

My intended major is XXXX. When I first started at XXXXXX, I was majoring in XXXXX as a result of my solid foundation in XXXXXX, and going to explore it further. However, at the first quarter, I failed to register the courseXXXXX as the place is in short supply. Therefore, I have to take basic calculus course instead. Originally I also feel some regret, but I did not think of the study of math class, brought me a new idea.

 

Before the class, I am very confident about the math class as I have laid a good mathematical foundation in China. The math classes here, however, were completely different from the ones I had taken before. Compared to mountains of lectures and practices in Chinese math class, the class in XXXXX seems to be more optional and open-ended. In the lecture, Instead of lecture, the setting of Discussion section is brand-new for me. As implied by its name, we XXXXXXXX. When we have some problems, we are encouraged to discuss them with classmates to find out the solution, rather than ask TA directly. 

 

What’s more, the setting of Office Hour is also a great idea. Students are allowed to “disturb” professor at a specific time for your any problem. And the most interesting thing is that there are other students who may have the same or different questions. If same, a little discussion might be able to solve problems for both of them. If different, other students can also listen to the professor and see if they can discover something new. Once I XXXXXXXXX. After that, I didn’t leave and sit down to see other students’ questions and try to solve them one by one. If something I can’t figure out, professor would explain it to all of us. Unconsciously, through other students’ questions, I have learned a lot of things that I do not understand.

修改后:

XXXXXX or XXXXX, this is a question. I first chose XXXXXX at XXXXXX, however, due to lack of prerequisite courses, I took Calculus instead. I felt little regret but did not expect Calculus consolidated my knowledge, cultivated critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. Moreover, it helped me affirm my intention to study XXXXXXXX.

 

Having taken math courses, I expected it only consist of lectures and exam papers. However, things seem to be different in the U.S. So far, I have mastered professional knowledge within both Calculus and Statistics fields, including but not limited to XXXXXXXX. Within the classroom, motivation was driven through interaction with instructors. For instance, XXXXXX. During the discussion session, XXXXXXXXX. 

 

Outside the classroom, the university encourages students to learn beyond lectures. Through office hours, I XXXXXXX. Previously, I thought XXXXXXXX. However, once I was queuing and noticed the student in front of me had the same question. I thought it might be helpful to ask what problems he encountered. Neither of us expected that we would have a heated discussion until the professor joined us. The Professor XXXXXXXX. I realized that XXXXXXXXX. After that, every time I encounter a problem, I discuss with others first and try different methods.


点评:各位同学可以看到这篇初稿是相对而言比较有条理的一篇,涵盖了想要申请的专业以及一些基本的素材信息。不过每段文字之间的联系不紧密,段落与段落之间感觉像在诉说不同的内容。所以在修改版本中,我添加了较多的段落链接还有相应的承接句式,来帮助这个同学塑造出整体的申请形象。

总结

经过关于UC转学本书第一题的分析,大家可以充分的体会到,一篇好的个人陈述需要从以下6个方面进行入手。有了这些内容之后,可以大幅度提高我们被学校录取的几率:


1. 有一篇必答题目的文书
2. 在剩下的7篇文章里选择3篇进行撰写
3. 每一篇文章不超过350个单词
4. 你可以根据自己的兴趣进行3个文书题目的选择,没有任何规定,但是建议选择自己感兴趣的方向
5. 所有的文书题目在审核的过程中都是平等对待的,并没有说哪一个题目会更好
6. 对于文书的形式没有任何的形式规定,这些文书的目的是为了了解你这个人,用你独一无二的方式进行展示

美国招生协会
AIRC权威认证

80位
美国双语导师

10年+
名校申请经验

8600+
名校名企录取

wholerenguru3  (厚仁学术哥)

微信客服
wholerenguru3 (厚仁学术哥)

AIRC 权威认证

ICEF 权威认证

NCDA 权威认证

FITS

首席专家顾问 专家专栏
厚仁教育学术紧急应对中心首席专家顾问、资深文书老师。拥有匹兹堡大学Professional Writing Certificate专业写作认证。担任美国官方学术委员会AIS(Academic Integrity Seminar)常任导师,高难度申诉和紧急申请成功经验无数。 经手案例:俄亥俄州立大学、哥伦比亚大学、威斯康辛麦迪逊大学、南加州大学、伊利诺伊香槟分校、迈阿密大学、宾州州立大学、多伦多大学、女王大学、阿尔伯塔大学以及UC大学系列名校等。
联系我们  »
                           

美国校园资讯

学业优化
实现梦想

扫码关注 >

厚仁学生中心

实时查看服务进度
阅读文档报告

厚仁APP

扫码关注 >

联系我们

微信24小时在线客服
美国中国8大办公室

扫码关注 >

Scroll to Top