UC文书之创造力篇和天赋篇

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wholerenguru3 (厚仁学术哥)

上篇回顾


在前面几个系列的报道里,我已经向各位同学介绍过美国本科转学个人陈述的基本题型,长度,写作内容,字数等信息。不知道各位同学是否还有印象呢?在上一期的文章中,我也和各位同学分析了UC转学中必答题的写作思路和切入要点。先让我们一起来回忆一下关于一篇好的UC文书,你需要了解的6个重点信息:


1. 有一篇必答题目的文书
2. 在剩下的7篇文章里选择3篇进行撰写
3. 每一篇文章不超过350个单词
4. 你可以根据自己的兴趣进行3个文书题目的选择,没有任何规定,但是建议选择自己感兴趣的方向
5. 所有的文书题目在审核的过程中都是平等对待的,并没有说哪一个题目会更好
6. 对于文书的形式没有任何的形式规定,这些文书的目的是为了了解你这个人,用你独一无二的方式进行展示



今天就让我们再来一起了解一下剩下的几个文书题目里,又蕴含着哪些乾坤和技巧呢?那么在这篇文章中,我想和各位同学首先讨论剩下7个文书题目中的前2个,去分析这些题目咱们应该从哪些方面入手,以及结合真实的学生申请实战案例来进行点评。所以今天的文章主要涵盖了以下几个方面:


1. UC系统本科转学文书题目二分析
2. UC系统本科转学文书题目三分析

我是来自厚仁教育的资深申请规划顾问Mary老师,目前我已经专注于转学申请领域超过7年之久,帮助了上百名学生申请到了例如纽约大学,波士顿大学,约翰霍普金斯大学,加利福尼亚大学伯克利分校,洛杉矶分校,华盛顿大学等全美排名靠前的学校。今天,我想就通过一些学生的真实写作案例,和各位同学一起来分析他们的优缺点在哪里。

题目二分析

首先让我们来看一下题目:

Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.  

让我来给各位同学总结一下这个题目中的几个关键题眼:

Creative side, express, problem solving, original and innovative thinking, artistically, describe how


首先咱们一起来看一下这个文书最基本的要求是让我们描述我们每个人独特的创新一面。那么就像我在上一期文章中谈到的内容,何为描述?描述的深层意思就是细节,故事情节,以及具体内容。那么当你在描述一件事情或者是一个东西的时候,除了从颜色外观等客观内容进行切入的同时,一定要记得加上自己的感官也就是感受。所以这个题目同样要求的是我们用具体的事例来进行描述。

接下去让我们看一下这道题目最核心的内容creative side即有创造能力,创新能力的一面。那么同学们在看到这种定义性的词组的时候,就要想到去给这个定义进行扩展。在题目中,也给到了我们一定的提示,比如说在问题解决的时候是否有创新的思路,对于事物的特定看法,以及在艺术方面的创造力等等。这些都可以作为素材和切入点进行撰写。

那么UC的官网也给出了以下的一些提示给到各位同学:

Things to consider:  What does creativity mean to you? Do you have a creative skill that is important to you? What have you been able to do with that skill? If you used creativity to solve a problem, what was your solution? What are the steps you took to solve the problem? How does your creativity influence your decisions inside or outside the classroom? Does your creativity relate to your major or a future career?

概括的来说,咱们可以从以下几个方面思考:
1. 对于你来说创造力是什么?
2. 结合自身的情况,有没有相对而言比较有创造力的方面?
3. 你是如何运用这个创造力的?
4. 在课堂内外,这种创造力的体现是如何影响到你的?

案例分析


接下去让我们一起来看几个实际的写作案例,对比一下前后的修改内容,来一起分析一下这篇文章应该如何来进行撰写。


修改前:

My creative side is seen in my modifying a car, through which I learned some useful skills. In China, where the government has clear rules against most car modifications, the car culture is very thin. Most of the time, cars serve us as a means of transportation, which is not seen from the perspective of a visual art. When I came to the United States, I found things are totally different–colorful cars are often seen speeding by. So in 2017 I bought a car, and that started my two-year process of car modification. During this long period, we ran up against lots of challenges. For example, XXXXXXX. To solve these problems, I XXXXX. We inserted a tiny chip into the onboard computer for analysis. When the modified car once again hit the road, it caused a sensation in the car circles, both in the United States and in China. As a Chinese in America, I XXXXXX. And I made some merches about my car and gave them to some kids, for they were the new generation representing the future. Through these online and offline activities, I’ve brought even closer the people in this field while altering the public stereotype about modified cars. A modified car is not necessarily one that roaring down the streets in deep night and speeding recklessly on motorways. Instead, modified car owners can, at each weekend, bringing along with them coffee, get together or meet their fans, communicating and sharing the pleasure of their time.

修改后:

Stereotypes associated with car modifications include flaunting wealth, illegal behaviors, and aggressive driving. After coming to the U.S., I found that things were different. Out of curiosity, I bought a car and started this creative modification process. For an artistic appearance, I XXXXXX. I could have XXXXX. Abandoning traditional ways, I XXXXX. At that time, I saw XXXXXX. The whole process of modification lasted for another six months. When the car finally hit the road, it caused a sensation. Praise and accomplishments poured in. XXXXXXX  Also, I wrote an article about the sweet and sorrows I underwent, posting it on a Chinese blog forum. XXXXXX Through both online and offline activities, I narrow the distance of people in this field. 

点评: 

大家可以看到这位同学的初稿选题很独特,是通过艺术手法来表达自己独特的创造能力,这一点很吸引眼球。不过这位同学的初稿,整体逻辑内容还是比较混乱,想说的很多但是没有很好的表达出来。所以在修改的过程中,主要是强化了在艺术方面的创造性,并且加以细节的刻画来进行展开。



题目三分析

首先让我们来看一下题目:

What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?  

让我来给各位同学总结一下这个题目中的几个关键题眼:

greatest talent or skill, develop, demonstrate, over time

这个题目中再一次出现了需要我们下定义和展开的名词词组即greatest talent or skill,翻译过来就是自己最有才能最有天赋的技能。所以我们一定要首先定义,什么是自己最有才能和最有天赋的技能,这样的技能和天赋不一定要特备出彩,不一定要获过奖,也不一定是先天就具备的。

接下去一个非常重要的点就是在于你是如何发展和展现这个技能的,这个地方就需要我们提供具体的事例来进行展示和描述,描述的内容为你是如何利用这个技能或者天赋为自己创造机遇,或者说为什么这个技能和天赋对于自己来说是重要的有意义的。

那么UC的官网也给出了以下的一些提示给到各位同学:

Things to consider: If there’s a talent or skill that you’re proud of, this is the time to share it. You don’t necessarily have to be recognized or have received awards for your talent (although if you did and you want to talk about, feel free to do so). Why is this talent or skill meaningful to you? Does the talent come naturally or have you worked hard to develop this skill or talent? Does your talent or skill allow you opportunities in or outside the classroom? If so, what are they and how do they fit into your schedule?

概括来说,咱们要善于挖掘自己身上的闪光点,善于和别人分享自己的优势在哪里。并且善于通过描述这个优势给你带来的改变,机遇,甚至是影响力。让别人可以感受到,这个优势对于你的生活来说是非常重要的。

案例分析

接下去让我们一起来看几个实际的写作案例,对比一下前后的修改内容,来一起分析一下这篇文章应该如何来进行撰写。


修改前:

With many years of gradual self-cognition and growth, I get more and more familiar with myself. I believe that my talent is my preference for uniqueness and pursuit of a distinctive aesthetic taste. My talent is not inborn, but develops little by little in learning. As I grow up day after day, I XXXXX. Now, I have XXXXXX. When I was in the tenth grade, I XXXXXXX. However, I was fascinated by clothes which were black in some strange shapes. At the beginning, XXXXX  Later, my friends began to XXXXXX. When I showed others these sketches for the first time, they didn’t approve of these sketches. Instead, they considered me very strange. However, after they dealt with me for a long time, they began to understand my design and what I was like. 

修改后:

With years’ self-reflection, I realize my greatest talent is a unique aesthetic taste. I am not born with it; instead, it has accumulated throughout my life. Living in different countries makes me absorb the diverse culture and reflect in my understanding of art. Back in high school, XXXXXX. However, XXXXXX. While other XXXXXX, I was XXXXXX. Once I had this pair of shoes with stalactite-like soles. I did not care about others’ comments; instead, I explained to them the design concepts. To ordinary people, XXXXXX. A designer XXXXXXX. My choices also changed others and affected many netizens. Starting in college, I began to XXXXXXXX. During World War II, soldiers wore military cloth to march cross jungles, land in beaches, and fight in hot days, proving that this cloth was wear and waterproof. Another feature of the cloth is its unique textures since it can be adjusted according to users’ behaviors. Although XXXXXXXX, I made a demo with foams and wax pencils. With the continuous learning of art and design courses, I am on the road to becoming a professional designer. 

点评:

这位同学的初稿选题也非常有趣,觉得自己最有天赋的技能是艺术品位,这个马上就和别的学生区分了开来。当然这个选题也很冒险,因为需要有强而有力的素材进行支撑。在初稿里,学生还是多以流水账的形式进行了描述,所以在修改稿中,更好的去侧重细节带来的流畅度。


总结

经过关于UC转学本书创造力篇和天赋篇的分析,大家可以充分的体会到,一篇好的个人陈述需要有一定的细节来进行支撑和充实。所以各位同学在创作的同时,要善于培养讲故事的能力,以及分享的能力


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厚仁教育学术紧急应对中心首席专家顾问、资深文书老师。拥有匹兹堡大学Professional Writing Certificate专业写作认证。担任美国官方学术委员会AIS(Academic Integrity Seminar)常任导师,高难度申诉和紧急申请成功经验无数。 经手案例:俄亥俄州立大学、哥伦比亚大学、威斯康辛麦迪逊大学、南加州大学、伊利诺伊香槟分校、迈阿密大学、宾州州立大学、多伦多大学、女王大学、阿尔伯塔大学以及UC大学系列名校等。
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