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wholerenguru3 (厚仁学术哥）
上篇回顾
在前面几个系列的报道里，我已经向各位同学介绍过美国本科转学个人陈述的基本题型，长度，写作内容，字数等信息。不知道各位同学是否还有印象呢？在上两期的文章中，我也和各位同学分析了UC转学中四道题目的写作思路和切入要点。先让我们一起来回忆一下关于一篇好的UC文书，你需要了解的6个重点信息：
1. 有一篇必答题目的文书
2. 在剩下的7篇文章里选择3篇进行撰写
3. 每一篇文章不超过350个单词
4. 你可以根据自己的兴趣进行3个文书题目的选择，没有任何规定，但是建议选择自己感兴趣的方向
5. 所有的文书题目在审核的过程中都是平等对待的，并没有说哪一个题目会更好
6. 对于文书的形式没有任何的形式规定，这些文书的目的是为了了解你这个人，用你独一无二的方式进行展示
今天就让我们再来一起了解一下剩下的几个文书题目里，又蕴含着哪些乾坤和技巧呢？那么在这篇文章中，我想和各位同学讨论接下去的2个文书题目，去分析这些题目咱们应该从哪些方面入手，以及结合真实的学生申请实战案例来进行点评。所以今天的文章主要涵盖了以下几个方面：
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UC系统本科转学文书题目四分析
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UC系统本科转学文书题目五分析
我是来自厚仁教育的资深申请规划顾问Mary老师，目前我已经专注于转学申请领域超过7年之久，帮助了上百名学生申请到了例如纽约大学，波士顿大学，约翰霍普金斯大学，加利福尼亚大学伯克利分校，洛杉矶分校，华盛顿大学等全美排名靠前的学校。今天，我想就通过一些学生的真实写作案例，和各位同学一起来分析他们的优缺点在哪里。
题目四分析
首先让我们来看一下题目：
Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
让我来给各位同学总结一下这个题目中的几个关键题眼：
Describe, take advantage of, significant educational opportunity, overcome, educational barrier
首先咱们一起来看一下这个文书最基本的要求是让我们描述我们如何利用或者通过一个富有影响的教育机会，来达到客服教育壁垒的情况。那么就像我在前几期文章中谈到的内容，何为描述？描述的深层意思就是细节，故事情节，以及具体内容。那么当你在描述一件事情或者是一个东西的时候，除了从颜色外观等客观内容进行切入的同时，一定要记得加上自己的感官也就是感受。所以这个题目同样要求的是我们用具体的事例来进行描述。
接下去让我们看一下这道题目核心的内容siginificant educational opportunity即富有巨大影响力的教育机会。那么同学们在看到这种定义性的词组的时候，就要想到去给这个定义进行扩展。对于自己来说，什么机会可以被定义为富有影响力的？而且又是和教育相关的？比如说可以是参加的学校的Honors program，或者是参与了和自己所申请专业非常相关的培训项目等等。这些都可以作为素材和切入点进行撰写。
同样的，在这个题目中还有一个需要定义的地方就是educational barrier即教育学习中的壁垒问题。那么何为壁垒？这一点其实咱们很多中国学生可能并不能有一个深刻的体会，比如说没有办法继续学业，或者说需要贷款上学等等，这些都可以定义为教育壁垒。
那么UC的官网也给出了以下的一些提示给到各位同学：
Things to consider: An educational opportunity can be anything that has added value to your educational experience and better prepared you for college. For example, participation in an honors or academic enrichment program, or enrollment in an academy that’s geared toward an occupation or a major, or taking advanced courses that interest you — just to name a few.
If you choose to write about educational barriers you’ve faced, how did you overcome or strived to overcome them? What personal characteristics or skills did you call on to overcome this challenge? How did overcoming this barrier help shape who you are today?
概括的来说，咱们可以从以下几个方面思考：对于你来说什么是富有影响力的教育机会？这个机会对于自己来说有怎样的影响？这种影响对于自己的性格，以及个人的能力有没有提升的帮助？这些信息都需要通过具体的事例来进行体现。
题目五分析
首先让我们来看一下题目：
Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
让我来给各位同学总结一下这个题目中的几个关键题眼：
Describe, most significant challenge, steps to overcome, affect academic achievement
首先咱们一起来看一下这个文书最基本的要求是让我们描述，我们是如何一步步克服一个困难的，以及在这个过程中我们采取的具体的步骤。那么我需要再一次的提醒各位同学，描述的本质是需要有具体的事例来进行支撑，即选定了一个特定的故事之后，需要对于故事的开头，故事情节等部分进行相应的展开。
这个题目中再一次出现了需要我们下定义和展开的名词词组即sinificant challenge，翻译过来就是自己最艰难的挑战。所以我们一定要首先定义，什么是自己觉得最富有挑战的困难。这种困难挑战不一定要是学业上的，可以是生活中的，身边碰到的等等。但是最重要的是，你从这个挑战中学习到了什么，以及采取了怎样的办法去进行克服。所以这个题目需要描述的有几个部分，即什么是你遇到的挑战，你采取的步骤，以及整个过程对于自己的成长等。
那么UC的官网也给出了以下的一些提示给到各位同学：
Things to consider: A challenge could be personal, or something you have faced in your community or school. Why was the challenge significant to you? This is a good opportunity to talk about any obstacles you’ve faced and what you’ve learned from the experience. Did you have support from someone else or did you handle it alone?
If you’re currently working your way through a challenge, what are you doing now, and does that affect different aspects of your life? For example, ask yourself, “How has my life changed at home, at my school, with my friends, or with my family?”
概括来说，咱们可以从生活中寻找到自己觉得富有难度的挑战，加以描述，把整个挑战的定义，开头，中间故事高潮还有结尾都进行展现。
案例分析
接下去让我们一起来看几个实际的写作案例，对比一下前后的修改内容，来一起分析一下这篇文章应该如何来进行撰写。
修改前:
When I graduated from junior high school, I was sent to the United States to study due to my father’s work. At that time, I was a kid who didn’t know any English at all. At first, I spent my first year in public school with my father, who was not alone….I had to transfer to a private high school where I was the only Chinese student, and I went to homestay. It meant that I had to face a whole new environment without my family and without friends. I remember on my first day of school, I didn’t understand the school announcements because of the language barrier, and no one would answer me when I tried to ask my classmates. So I spent the next few days in detention every day. I felt ashamed to be held back, so I began to close myself off and did not want to talk to anyone. With her concern, I told her that school life was very depressing for me, that I couldn’t fit in because of my poor English, and that my detentions made me feel even worse. But my mother told me that it was okay, and she helped me to look on the bright side, so that I could at least try to communicate with the students who were in detention. At the same time, my mother called the school and explained my situation, and the school agreed to give me a written copy of the announcement every day after school. This made my detention situation much better. and after a while, I slowly started to try to make friends, even though it was only at school.
修改后：
Studying in a new country is not an easy thing. Never thought of leaving home country in high school, I did not learn English at that time. I was placed in the language class at a public high school with all Chinese classmates. After one year, I barely improved. I transferred to a private high school where I was the only Chinese student. XXXXXX Living with someone I never knew and studying in a school where I had no friends were depressing. I was first lost at school. Because of misunderstanding, I was given several detentions. I felt embarrassed. Gradually, I began not to talk. My homestay mom noticed this and asked what happened. I told her that school life made me depressed. Although I tried hard to catch up with others, there was little effort. She comforted me. Also, she encouraged me that my English was good and she had no problem understanding my words. After talking to her, I was relieved. XXXXXX, my homestay mother helped me practice both English speaking and listening. For instance, XXXXX. Then, XXXXX. This method helped me learn slang and pop culture. As confidence increased, I started to make friends.. During the second year, I actively participated in school activities. Meanwhile, my grades improved a lot.
点评：
这位同学的初稿选题很独特，是讲述自己高中阶段独自出国留学的经历。这个经历很区别于别的学生，因为不是很多学生会经历这种转变。同时，这种经历对于学生成长性格等都有较大的影响。
美国招生协会
AIRC权威认证
80位
美国双语导师
10年+
名校申请经验
8600+
名校名企录取
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wholerenguru3 (厚仁学术哥）
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